At publishing time, word had spread that the man had died of old age without any evidence that his coffee table was any closer to being assembled than it was when he opened the box.

Satan: Democrat. Founder of the party.

We’re gonna have to try something else.

From the border to the economy, President Biden accomplished feats in 2023 that no one ever saw coming.

"It's embarrassing to say out loud, but Tim still struggles with basic calculus," Mrs. Wilcott admitted to reporters. "We're hoping he's just a late bloomer."

"Hard to believe the looting season is already upon us!" said Mayor Breed.

Douglas Murray writes, “Sometimes a flare goes up in the darkness and you can see where everyone is standing.”

California is already doing it.

Jordan Lance writes, “Papering over failure only leads kids down an inescapable dark hole.”

At publishing time, a nearby liberal woman had reportedly passed away while awaiting CDC guidance on what to do after exhaling, reports the Babylon Bee.

As with COVID and global warming, lefties loves to preach “follow the science. Too bad they don’t follow their own advice.

This is the place to find out what movies are worth seeing or avoiding. No "critics" working their left-wing woke crap into their reviews. Worth it or Woke.

Other lawyers have called her complete lack of knowledge a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stuffy profession, the Babylon Bee reports.

Sources say this tragic ruling will adversely affect the lives of thousands of feminists who will no longer be able to afford blue hair dye.

The truth is wildfires are not a serious problem in most parts of the U.S., and it’s not because the climate change gods are fickle, but because these states practice better land management, writes Jon Miltimore at FEE.

Adam B. Coleman at the New York Post: “While its behavior has been more in line with financially irresponsible lottery winners, the difference is that we expect charitable organizations to put their cause ahead of the individuals who run them.”

Kudos to comedian Chrissie Mayr for pushing back on “woke” crap and defending her right to say offensive jokes at her stand-up shows.

The deadly consequences of lockdowns: The verdict is In.

Outraged Senate Democrats are calling for the investigation of a local black man who allegedly went on vacation without their permission.

At publishing time, Colin Kaepernick had announced a new book addressing the racist and insensitive foods his mother cooked for him. A slot has already been reserved on the New York Times bestseller list during the release week — Babylon Bee.